With the Values of a "Liberal"

I find some offensive jokes funny.

I don’t apologize for offending; I apologize for hurting.

I find controversy necessary.

I like having my own opinions, and I like my own opinions. I like that you have your own opinions, even if I don’t necessarily agree with all of them. In fact, I like disagreeing with your opinions, and I like that you disagree with my opinions too.

I don’t like censorship. 

Truth is truth.

I don’t think everything is black and white. I think there is a lot of gray in this world.

I love Harry Potter.

I watch R-rated movies. I like a lot of them. I don’t like a lot of them.  

Cussing doesn’t offend me.
I stand by my convictions.

I have Journalistic values. Some might call me liberal. I call myself a humanitarian.

I like having the freedom to make my own choices even if I don’t choose to act on all of them. I’m not one to judge. I think you’re entitled to make your own choices. I like to call that little treasure of choice free will. I like to call that gift of free will love. I like to call that love Jesus.

Yes, I am a Christian with liberal values.  

Banjos: My Achilles' Heel

Some girls are suckers for guys who play the guitar. I, on the other hand, am a sucker for guys who play the banjo. I'm obsessed! The banjo is such a beautiful and unique instrument. Take me to a bluegrass concert with guys who can really jam out on the banjo, and you will find me swooning.

I know, I know, the banjo does not have the best reputation thanks to that good ole’ movie Deliverance. (Cue “Dueling Banjos.”)

And also, many people associate the banjo with southern bumpkin country music, and I know how most people feel about that...

But trust me when I say that the banjo is so much more than that! It really is a lovely instrument. It just needs a good musician to accentuate its beauty. Allow me to introduce to you my top five favorite swoon worthy banjo players.

1.     Sufjan Stevens

Oh, Sufjan, my love. I can go on and on about this man, but I will try to keep it brief. I really have Sufjan to thank for my love of the banjo. There is something so pleasant and soothing about the way he plays the banjo. Not to mention the banjo looks awesome paired with giant wings. But seriously, check out the songs “Seven Swans” and “For The Widows In Paradise; For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti” if you want to be blown away.

2.     Winston Marshall (Mumford and Sons)

Thank you so much Mumford and Sons! You guys have done so many great things for the banjo reputation! You guys are kind of a big deal, and I must day, I think you deserve it. And I want to specifically thank Winston because people now know that the banjo can be more than that creepy music from Deliverance and southern bumpkin country music. It can be folky and awesome.

3.     Scott Avett

First off, I like his beard, but that is beside the point. Like Winston, he has proved that the banjo can be folky and awesome. He sure does rock that banjo. Oh man is he soulful. I think that is the best way I can describe him and his banjo.

4.     Andy Bernard (The Office)

“Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.” -Andy Bernard

Replace singing show tunes with playing a banjo and you got me.

Words cannot describe how much I would love Andy Bernard even if he didn’t play the banjo, so the fact that he plays the banjo (and sings show tunes) makes me love him even more. Trust me, that is a whole lot of love. What’s not to love about a goofy, fun guy who plays the banjo? On top of all that, he covers Kermit the Frog which brings me to my last point.

5.     Kermit the Frog

Kermit the Frog can serenade me any day he wants to with “Rainbow Connection” on his banjo. Miss Piggy has got herself a man! Talk about the original. I am speaking for all of the above, but I am pretty sure Kermit the Frog inspired all of the above mentioned men to learn how to play the banjo (I know he inspired Andy for sure!) Thank you Kermit! I don’t know where my musical tastes would be without you.

So there you have it folks.  The banjo is so much more than creepy, country, and bumpkin. Although I will admit, in the wrong hands it can be all of that, but in the right hands, it is so much better! And I think you will find the right hands are mentioned above. Don’t hold onto those preconceived notions about the banjo, and check these guys out!

Sigh… Banjos.

The Real, The Fake, and The Absurd

Oh, my major you ask?
I am a Journalism and Sociology major.

…

Yes, that’s your cue.

Go ahead. Ask it. I know you want to.

Okay, I’ll ask it for you.

“What are you going to do with THAT?”

I am so sick of that question! I am not worried about it, and you shouldn’t be either-person I just met.

You can laugh too. I mean it wouldn’t be the first time.

Or Gawk.

Oh, this is my favorite reaction. Journalism is not going to exist in the next few years.(Thanks for the support Grandma!) It is becoming obsolete. Umm News Flash! (see what I did there? Most definitely not becoming obsolete) Just because journalism is now heavily online doesn’t mean that it will not exist anymore. People are nosy! We need to know what is going on or else we won’t survive! Journalism is going to be just as alive 20 years from now as it was hundreds of years ago. Okay, let me step off my soapbox and get on with my post.

The point is I am sick of this outward judging of my life choices. You can inward judge me all you want. Because I don’t really care what you think. Oh, was that harsh? Well so was laughing at my majors.

So to prevent the outward judging, I have designed a plan. I mean “not to toot my own horn” or anything, but I think it is a pretty good one.

My plan: I have 2 hypothetical majors and my 2 actual real ones. I will share these majors dependent on who I am talking to and my mood. Allow me to elaborate.

The Real:  Journalism and Sociology

This is reserved for people I will most likely see again. And people I can actually see myself developing a sustainable friendship with. They deserve the truth, I guess.

The Fake:  Pre-business- Marketing

This is reserved for adults and practical people.  Or people I just don’t feel like dealing with as they question my motives. I mean you can get a job with this! This is an extremely marketable (BOOM! I am on fire with the puns today) major. It is not as challenging to find a job with this major. What a practical major! I get the adult seal of approval. Yay! I tell these people this is my major, and I will get mmhmms and oh yeahs with some fervent nodding. No outward or silent judging is going on. Just sheer approval.

The Absurd: Sculpture

This is reserved for people I just really want to mess with. This is the one that is especially dependent on my mood. Do I really want to be judged at that moment? Do I really want to deal with the judgment? Sometimes, yeah, I am in that mood. Sometimes I just want to get a reaction. I want to cause turmoil. Is that bad? Probably. Do I care right now? Not really because this makes my real major look at least 1.5 times better. Right?

So this is my plan. I think it’s a pretty good one.

*Oh, and by the way, no amount of judging or what you say is going to change my mind. I am a pretty stubborn person. I have my mind set. Do I know exactly what I am going to do after I graduate? No. I don’t. Does that bother me? Nope. So really, it shouldn’t bother you either.

;)

Road Trippin'

My good friend Kelsey told me that I should write a book titled How to Make a Road Trip Last Forever. I might take her up on that, but like all of my best ideas, or other people’s best ideas for me, it shall end up on my blog first.

I like to pump people up when they first get into a car with me, so I tell them “Every car ride is an adventure with Kathleen.” Which is true, but perhaps they should take it as a warning. The word adventure might be a euphemism for what they are actually about to be involved in. I am not saying I am a dangerous driver. Because I’m not. The safety of my passengers are first and foremost the most important thing to me as a driver. Not the destination, but the safety, which is perhaps why my car rides are always an adventure. And when I say that I am a safe driver, that doesn’t mean I am a grandma driver because, well, that is no fun. In fact, I am a “cop approved speeder.” I drive 10 miles per hour above the speed limit for the most part. (more when I am by myself, but that is besides the point) A police officer told me that I should not be pulled over for going 10 miles per hour above the speed limit, hence why I am a “cop approved speeder.” I digress.

Anyway, I am not particularly good with directions. And when I say I am not particularly good with directions, I mean I am really bad with directions. And understanding the road signs on the interstate. And reading a map. I just can’t. So I need a navigator. It is absolutely necessary for me to have a navigator or else I will find myself at an abandoned truck stop sobbing in my car because I have no idea where I am, not that that has actually happened or anything… So to prevent that from happening, I need a navigator. Naturally, I have a GPS system. Her name is Cheryl, and she has a rather unpleasant accent and attitude. She is no Monika (my old GPS system that was stolen). She can sometimes be more destructive than I am, but we have a love / hate relationship. She does always get me where I need to be, just not always in the best way or in the shortest amount of time. I guess I do need her because she is more knowledgeable of directions than I am, even if sometimes she does get confused like me.

I have decided to include a few Kathleen approved tips on how to make a road trip last forever which will be included and expounded upon in my book.

1.     Interpersonal Communication? What’s that? Avoid a human navigator. The person in the shotgun position should be just as clueless as the driver.

2.     Always listen to your GPS system, never your gut instinct.

3.     Never turn around when you miss a turn, take the 20-minute detour down the cemetery back roads.

4.     Make excuses!

That is just to name a few.

And I will leave you with one last thought. A friend of mine once said, “If you are looking for time, don’t ride with Kathleen, but if you are looking for a quality ride, you should definitely ride with Kathleen.”

So you tell me. What is more important? Time or quality? I think the choice is easy.

Dear Mr. Wickham,

Just a brief preface. So I have been on a Pride and Prejudice mood for the past couple of weeks. Who am I kidding? I am always in a Pride and Prejudice mood. Partly because I have never related so much to a character as I do to Elizabeth Bennet. Anyway, I decided to write a letter to the dear Mr. Wickham from Elizabeth's point of view (and my own). This letter might seem harsh, but Elizabeth (I) is only speaking truth. And if you read this and think, wow, what a bitter and harsh letter, I will have you know that Mr. Darcy's letter is coming, and it will look totally different from this one.

Dear Mr. Wickham,

I do not appreciate you coming into my life with your charm and striking good looks. I have been most deceived by your demeanor. You seemed so intentional. You talked to me about your life, and I listened. I talked to you about my life and you listened and you took note and you remembered. However, I realize now that this was all an act. I looked forward to our conversations and encounters, but I was most deceived. I was just another object of your not-so gentlemanly affections. I should have noticed all along. It was all about you and your vanity. Could you manipulate women to pity you and give their affections to you? Yes, you could. And you did. And you still do. I was blind at first, but I am no longer deceived. Mr. Wickham, I suggest that perhaps you should take a look at your faults and refine them for they are not so much or in anyway endearing to me. I only wish the others could see what I see in you, which is the truth, and that truth is your selfishness far exceeds your selflessness.

In other words, Mr. Wickham, you are a complete tool. You think because you are charismatic and attractive, that you can treat women however you want. Like they are just objects in your little game. You wonder how many women you can mess around with. How many women will find you attractive? It is all a search to see who will get you furthest in life. You sweep through and hurt women. You are raising their hopes and then crushing their spirits as you leave them behind. You are not guarding anyone’s heart. Listen here, player, player, I suggest you get real and get right with your intentions if you want any real and true relationship in your life, and if you don’t care about that, I still suggest you stop because I am not okay with you breaking girls hearts.

My Sincerest Wishes,
Elizabeth Bennet

The Generally Sane Mind's Guide to Paranoia

You might need to read this to sympathize with the fears of your paranoid. You may never understand their over-the-top fears, but at least try to respect their nerves.

The Generally Sane Mind’s Guide to Paranoia:

1.     We are not joking. Don’t test us. We will get mad and more paranoid.

2.     Really.

3.     Check your surroundings in all public areas. Over the shoulder. Double-Take.

4.     Speak in general terms. No names. No details. Reserve names and details for a safe location and a safe confidant.

5.     Butt-Dialing is a severe fear.

6.     So are accidental texts to the wrong person. Oh, you sent a text to the person you were texting about? Try to get out of that one.

7.     Safe locations are never safe. They are just the least of all the evils.

8.     People have intuition. They can sense what you are thinking, however, we overestimate how much people sense. This doesn’t matter to us. It means nothing. People always know.

9.     People will always find out unless you adhere to the strictest of all rules.

10.  If you don’t care, it doesn’t matter. We always care.

No, I Don't Have an iPhone.

Everyone and their mom has an iPhone.

Except me.

But really. My mom has an iPhone and not me.

She did tell me that once the new and improved iPhone upgrade comes out that I can have her old and decrepit ancient iPhone, and she will get the upgrade. Gee, thanks mom for your outdated gift. (But really Mom, I don’t mind! Really.)

Without an iPhone, you are behind the ages my friends, let me just tell you.
I am hanging out with a group of people, no big, and there always comes a time when you are chilling more than you are talking. So naturally everyone pulls out their iPhones except for me because I don’t have one. They start cruising the internet, finding out what is going on in the world, facebook stalking, and I am just lost. Hmm, who can I text, so I can be cool and on my phone like everyone else? No it doesn’t work that way.  So I am just the girl sitting in the corner without all the information.

Emphasis on the without all the information. I am on a need to know basis and a must know what is going on at all times without anyone actually knowing that I want to know this information agenda, so yes, an iPhone would come in handy.
Also I like sharing facts to make my stories more credible. You know I like to tell stories. (see The Rules of Storytelling post) Sometimes I am stretching for information, and I can’t remember all the facts so I think, “Hey, I need to google this stuff.” Wait. I don’t have internet on my phone.

And what about those times when I have that name or fact on the tip of my tongue, and it is just not coming. I have to wait in misery until I am back and around a computer to look that up. It is not a fun feeling. Trust me.

So needless to say I am behind the times. I am probably missing something really big here. Some feeling of entitlement that only belongs to iPhone holders. Man, I am on the outs. I feel like once I get my mom’s iPhone, I am going to be so far behind in this generation of iPhone holders that I will already be too far gone. There is probably no hope for me.

Oh well, I will just stick to my little blue Intensity II. Yes, the Intensity II. A very fitting phone for me, don’t you think?