The Generally Sane Mind's Guide to Paranoia

You might need to read this to sympathize with the fears of your paranoid. You may never understand their over-the-top fears, but at least try to respect their nerves.

The Generally Sane Mind’s Guide to Paranoia:

1.     We are not joking. Don’t test us. We will get mad and more paranoid.

2.     Really.

3.     Check your surroundings in all public areas. Over the shoulder. Double-Take.

4.     Speak in general terms. No names. No details. Reserve names and details for a safe location and a safe confidant.

5.     Butt-Dialing is a severe fear.

6.     So are accidental texts to the wrong person. Oh, you sent a text to the person you were texting about? Try to get out of that one.

7.     Safe locations are never safe. They are just the least of all the evils.

8.     People have intuition. They can sense what you are thinking, however, we overestimate how much people sense. This doesn’t matter to us. It means nothing. People always know.

9.     People will always find out unless you adhere to the strictest of all rules.

10.  If you don’t care, it doesn’t matter. We always care.