The Sarcasm Bell

I have been onto this idea for a while now.

I sometimes have communication issues.
Yes, I know you might be thinking that I am well-spoken, well-mannered, and possibly the most humble person you’ve ever met, but beyond all that, I have serious communication issues.

Let me key you in.
I am a fairly sarcastic person.

I am sorry if you didn’t know that until now because you probably hate my guts, and I can’t say I blame you.

I am probably really being serious maybe 12% of the time, mind you, that is a rough guesstimation. 

Yes, many people are sarcastic, but they don’t fit my particular breed of sarcasm. I don’t have that cheesy sarcasm show tune voice, like when people use “Well, you don’t say!” in that super annoying, over-the-top voice. I know you know what I’m talking about. My sarcasm often comes off as super serious. There is probably only a 2-degree difference between my sincerity and sarcasm. The problem, you ask? People sometimes think I am cold, harsh, and maybe arrogant. Which I don’t want to be at all. I want people to know I am kidding without adjusting my humor!

Sarcasm is also my number one defense mechanism. So people attack me with their sarcastic knife, and I defend myself with my sarcastic shield. But people don’t understand the sarcastic shield either, and they think I am being serious. They think I am genuinely hurt or something. No. I’m not. (Unless I think you’re being serious, then I’m not using the sarcasm shield, but I am using the “Are you freaking serious?” face, but that is a whole other topic for another time.) They often say to me “I’m just kidding!” Well, so am I!! Jeesh. People these days.

So I came up with a solution. No, I am not quitting sarcasm because that would just be malarkey. I would be surrendering a huge chunk of who I am, and that is not gonna fly. No, I am not going to use that show-tune sarcastic voice because well, that is cheesy, and I don’t really like cheese too much.

My solution: The sarcasm bell.

Occasionally I find myself ringing an invisible bell and just saying “Sarcasm bell! Yay!” after I see a person hurt/ confused/ angry after one of my comments. However, I want an actual bell. It needs to be attached to my keys, so that way, when a person is a victim of my sarcasm, I can just ring it!

I am thinking I should actually look into making this a business prospect. I can’t be the only person who suffers from this problem.

I probably need a sarcasm font too…