Ball of Shame

Do you ever have those moments where you relive all of your most humiliating moments in a span of seconds? Yeah, me neither.

However, if I did ever have those moments, I could only guess what those moments would feel like. And based on my extraordinary imagination, I know those moments are quite the phenomenon of shame that I like to call the “Ball of Shame.”

In my studies, I have found that the Ball of Shame is most likely to occur due to humiliation, but it is not limited to only that and may occur in two other circumstances.  

1.    Ball of Shame: Humiliation Edition

This is the phenomenon most previously noted. These only last a span of seconds, but you somehow are able to relive every embarrassing moment you have ever had since shame entered your life. The most embarrassing of those moments from your life seem to be played in HD in your mind. I don’t know how it’s possible for this to happen in a span of seconds, but it does, and it’s rough. Those seconds last for an eternity. Unfortunately, this most often occurs spontaneously, and the trigger is often irrelevant.

For example, you are walking to class one day and you see a mailbox. The mailbox reminds you that you need to send back your Netflix DVD. The Netflix DVD reminds you of how you spent your Saturday. You watched the movie that night, but most of your Saturday was spent at the homecoming football game. At that homecoming football game you got hungry and went to buy some fries. You got in line at the concession stand and realized you were standing behind the guy you sit next to in your Economics class. The guy turned around and said hey. Excited, you returned his greeting. He gave you a confused look and then gave you a slight but awkward head nod, and then proceeded to have a conversation with the guy standing behind you. All of this occurs to you as you are walking to class because of that stupid mailbox. You think of that one humiliating moment that happened the last Saturday and every other embarrassing moment you have ever had flashes before you in a matter of endless, excruciating seconds.

2.    Ball of Shame: Regret Edition

This happens when you are reminiscing about life and you think about something you most recently said or did that you regret. This most often occurs when you are alone and finding ways to waste time. Normally the trigger for this occurrence is much more obvious than the Humiliation Edition because you are clearly asking for it. For example, you are probably sitting alone in your dorm room and Facebook stalking yourself. This is self-destruction at it’s finest. You will find and remember things you regret, and then you find yourself in the Ball of Shame.

3.    Ball of Shame: Gob Bluth Edition

Do the words, “I’ve made a huge mistake,” ring any truth to you? This is very similar to the Regret Edition, but on a much more immediate and on a larger scale. This Ball of Shame occurs immediately after you've made a huge mistake and you realize you can’t do anything to fix it. It’s done and all you can do is the Ball of Shame.

The Ball of Shame looks a lot like this:

The Ball of Shame: A real and frightening phenomenon.

You’ve been warned.