Squirrels

Distractions are a hot mess.

And so am I. My minor is actually ridiculousness/ intensity.
And I am distracted again.
I feel like I am that Dog from Pixar’s Up. You know, Dug?

Squirrel!

He can be in the middle of a conversation and then, oh hello, a squirrel comes into his peripheral, and then he is gone.

That is me.
I can’t tell you how many squirrels I have in my life right now.
Around a group of people I go crazy. Do you know how many distractions a large a group of people provides for me? That answer is incalculable. Hello, sensory overload!
And that is not fair to other people. I am not giving them the attention they deserve. I am giving me the attention I don’t deserve. Selfish.
My distractions all go back to the fact that, I, Kathleen, am selfish to the core, and I want to please me. Lame.

Yes, I know we all love Dug. He is super cute, and he hides under our porch because he loves us! (Yeah, you don’t see me doing that. Maybe, I should?) But I can’t let these squirrels in my life distract me from loving and serving other people.

1 Corinthians 7:35

I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. (NIV)

So what do I want to do with my life right now? Today?
“Get real, get right
For you will not be distracted by the signs
Do not be distracted by them
Do yourself favor and get real
Get right with the Lord.” (Get Real Get Right, Sufjan Stevens)

Sufjan’s lyrics speak right to my heart as always. Man, those words are straight up truth. That should have been my whole post.

Do you have squirrels in your life you need to get real and get right with the Lord?

A Gift Just For Me

God sent me dolphins today.

Not a couple of dolphins. He sent me a whole pod of them. I would say there were at least 12 of them. They were super close to the shore too. I was squealing with delight when I saw them because they were exactly what I asked for. No, not exactly. They were more than what I asked for.
I kept telling God it would be great if he gave me a dolphin. Even just one, jumping in the distance. I would look in the horizon, and I would not see the dolphin I asked for. Today I took a walk on the beach. I got back to our umbrella, and I parked myself down. Then I saw a dolphin right up in the shallow water on the beach. Then another and another. I jumped up with delight. There were so many of them, and I knew in that moment they were just for me. It was God's special gift for me. I asked, and he gave me more than what I asked for. It was so much better than what I asked for.

God knows my heart. He knows me to the very core. I mean of course he does, he created me. And if you know me, you know I love dolphins. Dolphins swimming free in the ocean. God knows that too, and that is exactly what he gave me today. In that moment I knew what God was giving to me. It was his special gift to me for the heck of it. Not because I deserved a gift or anything, but just because he wanted to show his immense love for me. And it was almost as if he was saying to me, "Hey, I know you. I know what you love. I know your heart. You ask, and I will give you something so much better than what you asked for because I love you that much and more."

His gift for me today was so personal. More than what I asked for. It was a simple reminder of his love and beauty.

My Best is not "The" Best

Okay, let me get real with all of you for a moment. Let me just tell you something. Something big. Something I catch myself daydreaming about. Something that is wild. Let me tell you about my ultimate career.
So I am a columnist. I write editorials if you will. Opinions for those of you who don't understand the upper class Journalist lingo. Opinions on whatever I want. But that's not all. I travel the world. Writing about my experiences in other countries. Just travel. Oh hello Monday, let's fly to a village in Africa for a few weeks. Oh Cheerio London, let's do lunch. But that's not all. In these different countries I volunteer around the local communities. I get to hang out and help out. Just getting to be a part of the real place and being able to give back. And writing about all my experiences. And if I am lucky, maybe getting my own TV show doing all this because you guys know you would love to watch my TV show. But that is getting a little overboard. Even in my dream career.


I probably shouldn't have told you that because now since I have voiced the ultimate it is probably not going to happen. You know why? Because this is my plan. And let me tell you something about my plans. They don't work out. I start having these dreams, knowing exactly what is going to happen in my life, and they never work out that way. Seriously, just ask me what I dreamed my freshman year of college was going to be like and let me compare it to what it is actually like. Seriously, let's get coffee. I will tell you about my "ultimate" best freshman year I imagined for myself, and let me tell you about how this year was nothing what I imagined it would be. It was so much better.

You want to hear something bigger? Something I don't catch myself daydreaming about. Something that is as wild as it could be? Let me tell you that God has a plan for me. For you. A plan so amazing, that I can't even imagine how amazing it is going to be.
Habakkuk 1:5 says "Look at the nations and watch- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."

So, He is telling me that what he has planned for me is better than anything I could imagine myself? That I wouldn't believe even if He told me? He has something cooler than my ultimate career I planned out for myself planned out for me?

I'm excited.

Just Dance: The Ultimate Humility Project

I am thinking about writing a screenplay about my life. It won't be a big deal or anything. Yes, obviously there is a lot of depth to my life. I mean one could learn so much from my short 19 years thus far. Unfortunately, I will have to exclude some parts because I don't want to overwhelm anyone or anything. I am thinking about making it a trilogy. People like those, right?
Anyway, the first movie will all come down to one of the most defining moments of my life. The movie will be building up the anticipation all for this one moment, this very simple, but very important moment that possibly has changed my life forever.

The first day I played Just Dance.

Now let me give some background information, which will obviously be included in the movie:
God did not bless me with graceful feet and poise. God did not bless me with rhythm. And I know that. I don't try to make excuses or anything because I know in my heart of hearts I have no hope of being the best dancer. You want to see a show, go to a Zumba class and watch me try to keep up. You want to see an even better show, go to a Hip Hop dance class and watch me try to get down. I always throw out disclaimers in those classes. "Watch out white girl with size 11 feet trying to dance!" And I feel like I would always say that jokingly. I knew I was by no means the best dancer, but I didn't think I was the worst dancer in the world.

That changed the night I played Just Dance.

I was ready, I was pumped. Even people who can't dance can Just Dance. I was ready to make myself feel like an adequate dancer. I wanted that confirmation from Just Dance. Big mistake.
As I danced I saw the OKs flash across the screen.Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok.
I mean that already told me what I already knew. I am not the best dancer, but I am not the worst dancer, right? Wrong. Turns out Ok on just dance is like the outfielder in little league baseball. Let me explain myself. Your coach is not going to tell you, that you are bad. They are going to talk up outfield. Tell you that you are the only one fit to catch those fly balls. Nobody can catch those fly balls like you. Translation: Nobody can do that like you because little kids do not hit fly balls in little league. Everyone knows they put the worst kids on the team in outfield (For reference, I was played left field in softball. I was "that" girl) Just Dance didn't really want me to feel bad about myself. Instead of telling me that I was just plain bad, they softened the load with an ok. They put me in the outfield. Well let me tell you something Just Dance, I am 19 years old, a form left fielder, and I am not deceived by your tricks.

Well I was determined to improve. I am a high-achiever. I was not going to be ok. A simple good would do, an excellent, even better. Well I only got worse. As my peers around me completed scores of excellents, I only got worse and came in dead last each time. What a fool I was. I tried to blame the controller one round. You see, it didn't have a back. Well the next round the person with that controller one, so I had no excuse. I was crushed each round. Dead last. And that is when it hit me. The humble pie was sitting right in front of me. Calling to me. I did not want that humble pie. I wanted it to be for someone else, but it wasn't, it was just for me. And I love pie, so I had to give in. And there was a message in that pie. Definitely from God. He said to me "Daughter, you are not just a bad dancer, you are the worst dancer in the world, and there is nothing wrong with that. I love you just as you are. No rhythm and all."
And if God can love the worst dancer in the universe, I know he is all good.