Going into week three of city hosting, I was
extremely confident. After some extreme conflict with my map during staff training, I felt we had resolved some major
issues and a summer love had started to bloom. Directions were starting to
become really fun for me. Oh, Map 54 K-1 to Map 58 B-2 you say? Challenge
accepted. I also felt like I had been doing an exceptional job being able to
connect with each of the two unique groups I had the previous weeks. To top it
all off, I was having so much fun serving alongside my groups at all the
different ministry sites. So as week three was approaching, I was on my high
horse. I was made for this job. It couldn’t be easier for me. Little did I
know.
When
I first met the two leaders of my serving group, I was slightly nervous but not
shaken. They were quite the dichotomous pair. We had the extremely
detail-oriented and the 40 year old kid. This would be an interesting week but nothing I couldn’t I
couldn’t handle. Like I said, I was made for this job. I had it down. I can handle challenges presented by other
people. I’m flexible. I’m available. I can be teachable. Definitely F.A.T.
Come
Thursday, I realized that I was the most challenging part of the week. The
students and leaders needed to be F.A.T. for me and not the other way around. I
had misread the schedule and thought we weren’t supposed to be at our next site
until 1, not the actual time we were supposed to be there, 12:30, and
currently, I had led our group to I have no idea, New Jersey. We miraculously
arrived but 45 minutes late. When we got there I escaped to the bathroom and
sat in a stall crying. I had officially given myself the “World’s Worst Host”
title. I know what you’re thinking. Overreaction. Late one day? It happens. But
did I mention we had arrived 30 minutes late to our site the previous day
courtesy of , you guessed it, me? I like to blame it on the vortex of what is
the Ben Franklin Parkway of Philly, but if I am being real, I just use that as
a means to not dent my pride.
My students were
starting to notice. When students start to notice, it is not a good sign. And
they started to only remember all the times I got them lost, and not the times
I actually got them places in a timely manner and with no wrong turns. Those
times outweighed our lost times, but they didn’t remember that. Naturally. I
was sick of the “Why can’t we just use a GPS system?” and “Why are we always
lost?” So I had to finish strong. I had to prove that I knew where I was going.
It was Friday. If I finished this day without messing up, then they would only
remember that last day. A good day. Our first site that day was 30 minutes
outside Philly. Okay, that’s fine. I have directions. We missed one turn, and
we immediately got back on track, but the kids didn’t miss that wrong turn for
a second. They dubbed turning around “Kathleening.” “Oh, we’re just Kathleening
again.” Cute. But then it started to hurt. It was really a blow to my
confidence. We got back to the city fine for the most part. They got to explore
the city on their own for a few hours that afternoon. I only had one major
place left to get them that night. Our restaurant. It was only 2 main turns
from Old City Philly. Easy enough.
“Kathleen, do you know where you’re going?” “Yes.”
15 minutes later we
were on the Ben Franklin Bridge to New Jersey. This officially made it the
worst week of my life. Really, God? You were supposed to throw me a bone here.
Instead, I am now in New Jersey. I was
really beginning to hate New Jersey. It gave me nothing but trouble. We
eventually joined the groups at dinner. Late. I was so discouraged. I did not
want to hand out those CSM evaluations that night. I didn’t want to know what
they had to say.
Still super discouraged
and with a bruised ego, I reluctantly gave them their CSM evaluations. What I
read that night after they were all turned in was not what I expected at all. I
can’t tell you how many students wrote how much they appreciated me and my hard
work. They noted my directions weren’t perfect, but they still appreciated me.
And they still got so much out of all the sites. What? How? It was God’s way of
telling me, “Chin up, my dear. You are relying too much on yourself. There is no way this summer is going to work
if you keep that up. No, this week wasn’t perfect. And you messed up a lot.
You’re not perfect, but that’s okay because I am. And I will use all of your
mistakes for good. And I did. And I will continue.” What started as the most discouraging
week of my life ended with so much encouragement. I was so humbled. I fully
expect more challenging weeks like this to come. Fortunately, God can use my
mistakes as much as my victories.
Now I can look back
say, “Hey, remember that time I accidentally led a group into New Jersey?” and
laugh. I mean somebody had to cross that bridge first (pun intended).
But the group that comes in on Sunday doesn’t have to know about that. Thank God for fresh starts. Never again will I underestimate 2 Corinthians 5:17. The old has gone. The new has come. Because really, the new group is coming, and as far as they are concerned, I am a directions expert.
But the group that comes in on Sunday doesn’t have to know about that. Thank God for fresh starts. Never again will I underestimate 2 Corinthians 5:17. The old has gone. The new has come. Because really, the new group is coming, and as far as they are concerned, I am a directions expert.